No matter how much you squeeze or tug at it, your body will not bend to your will. No matter how often you scold yourself into submission, your body will only be a compromise, not the first choice. Learning to love the skin you’re in isn’t easy, especially in a world where women are never right. We always have something that can be changed or improved upon, but once it is, the trends of female beauty have passed. We are now onto something else—small waists, wide waists, light skin, dark skin, thick thighs, thigh gaps. No matter what body trend you are currently living through, your figure will always be a compromise because the fickle tides of the female aesthetic will turn against your favour.
I often catch myself thinking “If I could only look like this…” as though anything that follows that statement would provide all the satisfaction and contentment I’m hungry for. As though if the conditions I’ve set up in my mind to keep me in order were met, everything would fall into place effortlessly and a greater purpose will be realized. It’s taken me many years and a lot of fluctuation in my physical and mental state to understand that those conditions will always be just out of reach because they’re designed that way—occasionally observable in the real world, but never quite attainable for you. And even when they are, they never taste as sweet as you thought they would. There is always something sweeter to satisfying your craving and its unattainability is what makes it so.
As we propel ourselves into new experiences, new jobs, new relationships, it’s important to remember that our worth does not and should not rely on the level of compromise you’ve made with your body. Your body is not there to be fought against, stuffed into clothing that’s inaccurately numbered, strategically, with your insecurities in mind. It’s not there for your to acquiesce to when looking in the mirror before bed. It’s there to take you where you unequivocally want to be during the day and bring you back home safely at night.